I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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