Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
