Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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