Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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