Where did you get a picture of my penis
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
