But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
