I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize