Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
