She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
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