No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
