I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize