so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
