Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize