i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
