god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
