Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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