just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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