D3 body, D1 cock
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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