"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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