Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
