I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
