We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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