Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
