you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
