Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
