I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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