Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
