i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
