I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize