we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
