The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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