I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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