The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
