just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
