this beer tastes like vomit already
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
