the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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