How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
