I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
