Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
