oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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