i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
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