how hairy? two words: wookie tits
accomplished twins. life is a go
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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