i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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