Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
BRING THE BAGELS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
