Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
