Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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