I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
