and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
