and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize