better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
