so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
