just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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