i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
