You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
