I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
