dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
