i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
