Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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