i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
