She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
