you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
