White coat. Heels.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
