I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
