our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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