I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
