Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
