sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
