I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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