In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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