it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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