apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
