OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
