So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
