It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
