you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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