On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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