soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
