The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
