yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
