My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize