Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
