go do what you do best...puke behind churches
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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