He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
