I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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