i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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