she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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