I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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