I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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